Fake It Till You Make It

Interviews Always Feel like a Game

I've put a lot of effort forth since I was laid-off in posting my resume, searching for jobs, and contacting companies about their job openings.  I've already had several phone and face-to-face interviews.  There are two openings in particular that I am supposed to hear back from this week that would be great opportunities for me.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  If it doesn't work out I'll go back to actively applying to openings.  It's nice to see companies take an interest in me, which gives me hope.

In my free time I've been going nuts on Pinterest with my home decorating and inspiration boards.  I can't wait to get my hands on a new home, so I can put some of these ideas to work.  I feel like a creative bundle of energy waiting to bust loose on some unsuspecting house!  However, none of that can have a chance of occurring until our current home sells.  Here's a link to my 'Dream Home' inspiration board if you care to check it out.  I guess you could say I fancy myself a "decorator" like all of these people lately who take pictures fancy themselves "photographers".  I also have ideas of things "For The Home", which is basically items I would like to have or something similar.

Color Scheme Idea on my "Dream Home" Board

Venetian Room Divider "For The Home" Board

I've also been doing a lot of reading lately.  My current recommendation is:  "The Night Circus" by Erin Morgenstern.  It is a book that you would read several times to pick up all the hidden and mysterious meanings.  It's quite thought provoking.  It was a book that I thought about for days afterwards, and I definitely read through it quickly because it was so interesting.  

Amazon describes the book in the following passage:  

"The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night. 

But behind the scenes, a fierce competition is underway—a duel between two young magicians, Celia and Marco, who have been trained since childhood expressly for this purpose by their mercurial instructors. Unbeknownst to them, this is a game in which only one can be left standing, and the circus is but the stage for a remarkable battle of imagination and will. Despite themselves, however, Celia and Marco tumble headfirst into love—a deep, magical love that makes the lights flicker and the room grow warm whenever they so much as brush hands. 

True love or not, the game must play out, and the fates of everyone involved, from the cast of extraordinary circus per­formers to the patrons, hang in the balance, suspended as precariously as the daring acrobats overhead. 

Written in rich, seductive prose, this spell-casting novel is a feast for the senses and the heart."

Light in the Darkness

I was laid off from my job this morning, and while I am not sad to lose the job- I AM sad that sole financial responsibility is completely rested on my husband's shoulders.

I suppose I should explain how I was laid off.  

Yesterday we had all of our sales representatives come in, owners, etc.  They were being trained and informed about our products, and it was a big to-do all day long.  My direct boss and coworker were a part of the meetings all day long, therefore, I was the sole person responsible for answering phone calls.  I wasn't able to take my 1 hour lunch during the normal hours I go because nobody was around to relieve me from the phones.    I told the coworker under me to go ahead and take her lunch, and I would stay.  She returned from lunch the same time my boss and other coworker returned from the day-long meetings (at 2:50pm).  I figured it would be silly to take my lunch from 2:50pm-3:50pm and return for 10 minutes of work.  Therefore, I worked until 3:00pm and clocked out for lunch (which would last until the end of my workday).  It made sense to me, however, it apparently did not make sense to my direct boss who fired me this morning.
I'm a bit stunned because:  A.  I was never allotted a time to take my lunch or relieved from my duties, so I could take my lunch, and B.  I've never been told that their were 'rules' to when we could take our lunch.

I suppose I'm better off without working at such an morally and unsavory business, as I have had trouble following their unsound business practices in the past when it was obvious that we were cheating over vendors and customers.  However, I filed an unemployment claim anyway, as I don't agree that they had just cause for letting me go.

Thankfully my husband has been very supportive and stands by me regardless.  I'm not sure what I would do without his unfailing love.  He's truly my rock and my light in the darkness.  I am so lucky that God provided me with such a wonderful and loving spouse...and I'll always count that as one of my blessings.

My Happiness, My Rock, My Light

Let the Darkness Fade

Let the Darkness Fade

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Living life without my medicine creates a situation where I am physically and mentally UNABLE to even have a chance at the pursuit of happiness.  It creates a situation where, without my medicine, it is possible to TAKE AWAY my OWN life.  Why in a nation where we pay a fortune for the right to have health insurance, am I denied to reasonably purchase medicine that my body needs to adequately function?  I HAVE to have a name brand medicine, and not the generic, due to the fact that I have side-effects to the generic. 
Is this my fault?  NO! 
Did I ask for this?  NO! 
I HAVE to have a higher dosage, which the medicine company does not make in one capsule yet, therefore, I have to take 3 pills to create the adequate dosage prescribed by my doctor. 
Is this my fault?  NO! 
Did I ask for my body to be created and set up to not function like a normal persons?  NO!Health insurance pays for SMOKERS, OBESE individuals, and people who take unhealthy acts into their own hands whenever they get an ill-effect from their own negligence!   Yet, a person who is BORN with a disease they cannot control is forced to suffer if they cannot afford the outrageous cost of their prescription.  How is this FAIR?  How is this RIGHT?

I cannot afford a prescription my body needs to function.  Therefore, what are my options?  Go off of my medicine and become so depressed that I fall out socially, lose my job and relationships, and eventually take my own life?  OR  Pay for the medicine and be unable to afford my housing, electric, food, and other basic needs?  How are those even considered realistic options?  Do you HAVE to be rich in this country to want to survive with clinical depression?  How does that not infringe upon my right to Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness?

How is $20 a day for mandatory medicine considered affordable when you already pay an astronomical price for insurance?  Is $600 per month for a mandatory medicine affordable?  You think that a normal person in these economic times can reasonably afford to pay insurance AND $7,200 for ONE PRESCRIPTION a YEAR!?!  If…IF… I lived until 85 years of age, at this rate; I would pay $417,600 in my lifetime to pay for ONE PRESCRIPTION?  I am a hardworking individual.  I work 40+ hours a week, however, I can’t afford my medicine at such a price.  Am I not allowed to afford food?  Water?  Electric?  Clothing?  Transporation?

I would rather DIE than attempt to live without my medicine.  My life is so bleak, so terrible, so sad, so angry, so hopeless that I would RATHER DIE now than attempt to live off of my medicine again.  Rather than tell me the price of my medicine is so high, you might as well put a bullet through my head, and end my suffering before it starts.

You would not tell a diabetic to live without their medicine.  You would not tell them to go on a lower dose when their body needed more insulin.  Nor would you force them to use a generic brand of medicine if it had been tried in the past with negative side-effects.  Therefore, why do you expect a person with a mental illness to do such a thing?  My body is lacking serotonin just as a diabetic is lacking insulin.  How DARE you make it unaffordable to LIVE!  How dare you take away MY CHANCE at LIFE, liberty, and THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS?

I would love it if I could be like you.  I would LOVE if my body did not have these issues.  I would LOVE if I could wake up every day and not need to take a medicine to function normally, but that is not the way God created me.  I did not do these things to myself.  I did not intentionally create myself in a way that would cause me so much grief throughout my lifetime.  Do not treat me in a way that indicates as though I did this to myself.  Do not treat me as though I put myself in this position because I did not.

All I want to do is be normal.  I want to be able to wake up with the same chance at happiness as everyone else.  However, I can’t do that with untreated clinical depression.   Don’t take away my chance at happiness by making my medicine unaffordable.  It isn’t something I can live without.

I can’t wait for the day I am welcomed into heaven and no longer have to feel the mental pain and anguish, which plagues me here.  I can’t wait to feel such unaltered joy and happiness.  I can’t wait to walk into the light and let the darkness fade behind me forever. 

50 Questions

These are some questions from Humor That Works website that I thought would be fun to answer.

Favorites Questions

1. What was your favorite food when you were a child?  I used to always answer that question with 'Dinner Rolls' because my Mom's 'made from scratch' Dinner Rolla ARE awesome.
    
2. What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod?  "Keep On Singin' My Song" by Christina Aguilera, which is also the name of my blog.  Listen to the song and you'll learn a lot more about me.
3. What is one of your favorite quotes?  "God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference"  It's a prayer, but I try to remind myself of those exact points often.
    
4. What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?  My favorite indoor activity would be reading or something crafty/creative, and my favorite outdoor activity would be swimming.  I used to swim competitively in high school, so its kind of in my blood.
5. What chore do you absolutely hate doing? I hate grocery shopping!  It takes a lot of time to clip coupons, find deals, figure out foods that will work as meals, and it eats away at my pocketbook!  Bleck!
6. What is your favorite form of exercise? I can't say that I exercise much, although I should, as I am the most out-of-shape I've ever been in my life.  However, I can swim easier than walking.  Swimming is my exercise of choice.
7. What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year?  Favorite Time of Day:  Around 7pm, I'm usually curled up in my comfy chair with a book, the internet, and enjoying time with my hubby and dog.
   Favorite Time of Week:  Saturday - Sleeping in!
   Favorite Time of Month:  Any day that isn't "THAT time of the month"! LOL
   Favorite Time of Year:  Fall - My birthday season
    
8. What’s your least favorite mode of transportation? My favorite transportation is flying because you're usually going somewhere fun and far away.
9. What is your favorite body part? My eyes are my favorite because they are a dull greyish blue. 
10. What sound do you love? I love the sound of breaking glass.  I don't know why.  I guess because it's so unexpected, and you hear it so rarely.  It's just a FUN sound! 

If… Questions

1. If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for?  I would love to throw a Halloween Party where a TON of people are invited and EVERYONE dresses up.  There would be traditional games (bobbing for apples, etc.)  I just think it would be fun!
    
2. If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint?  I would paint the gorgeous teal blue waters and pure white sand of Grand Caymen.
3. If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?  I'd love to go back and be five years old again.  You have no cares or worries, everything is magical, you have unlimited amounts of energy, each day is fresh and brand new, your optimism and imagination is unlimited, and everything new is an adventure.
    
4. If you knew the world was ending in 2012, what would you do differently?  I'd quit my job and immediately start experiencing all the things I want to do before I die.  I'd try to experience as much as possible before I did.
    
5. If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? Christina Aguilera for her confidence, and Ronald Reagan for his sensibility.
    
6. If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be?  The world being created perhaps?  I'm not sure how to answer this one.
    
7. If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? Sing or Paint/Draw... however, I think those are God given talents rather than things that can be 'taught'.
    
8. If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be?  I'd like to help rescue and save as many dogs as possible.  I'm not sure why, but seeing dogs in shelters bothers me on an emotional level.
    
9. If you were immortal for a day, what would you do? I'd take a bunch of risky dares for a lot of money and become rich.
10. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? I think I'd like the name 'Audrina'.
11. If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet?  Christina Aguilera, Ronald Reagan 
12. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? I'd tell them to 'Take this Job and Shove It".
     
13. If you were reincarnated as an animal/drink/ice cream flavor, what would it be? I'd like to be a bird to know how it feels to fly.
     
14. If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be? What is my purpose here?  What am I supposed to be doing?
15. If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose? I'd be Bugs Bunny because he's awesome!

Personal Questions





Jennifer Garner


1. Which celebrity do you get mistaken for? I've heard Jennifer Garner, Ashley Judd, and some old movie star that I don't remember the name of, however, I don't think I truly look like any of them.  I only have similarities with them.
2. What do you want to be when you grow up? I never want to grow up.  :-)




Ashley Judd


3. When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time? I listen to music, I read, I nap, I ENJOY just being.
4. What would you name the autobiography of your life? The Girl Who was Allergic to Paperclips
    
5. What songs are included on the soundtrack to your life? 'Keep on Singin my Song', 'At Last', and 'Save me From Myself'

Personal History Questions

1. Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best? I walked away from the love of my life because he didn't love me the same way.  That decision lead me to find my husband.
2. What was one of the best parties you’ve ever been to? A Halloween Party when I was eight.  Thats probably way I want to host one in the same fashion.
3. What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up? I don't think I've ever "cried" over a movie, tv show, or book.  However, the last time I "teared up" was watching 'The Notebook'.  Only music has the ability to make me cry.
4. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Chosing to leave the love of my life because he couldn't give me the love I deserved.
5. What was the last experience that made you a stronger person? Same as the answer above...
6. What did you do growing up that got you into trouble? I used to crawl into the dog house with the dog and take naps.  I'd crawl out smelling of dog and straw would be covering me.  Mom was never too fond of that.
7. When was the last time you had an amazing meal? I was in a well-known high end seafood restaurant, and I had escargot.  It was devine! (once you get past the idea that you're eating snails!)

8. What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever given/received? Best Gift Given:  A ring to my friend - her mother passed away and I gave her a ring with her mother's birthstone.
   Best Gift Received:  My engagement ring :-)
   Worst Gift Given:  ?
   Worst Gift Received:  A hand knitted Christmas Sweater when I was 8 - it was hideous!
9. What do you miss most about being a kid? I miss being able to run around (literally) without getting winded!
10. What is your first memory of being really excited? I was radiating joy the first time I got to ride a horse.
11. What was the first thing you bought with your own money? I saved my babysitting money for nearly a year to buy a puppy.  My parents rewarded my hard work and dedication by buying the puppy for me and placing the money I had saved into my bank account.
12. When was the last time you were nervous? The moment before I walked down the aisle with my Dad at my wedding.  I didn't realize that it would make me nervous.  I normally never get nervous about anything.

    

    Before Walking Down the Aisle, with my Dad in the background. 

    
13. What is something you learned in the last week? I learned that my dog is still afraid of my hedgehog, even though they've lived in the same house for 2 years now.
14. What story does your family always tell about you? They now like to tell about my "burlesque inspired" dance at my wedding to embarrass my husband during the garter toss.  I made him sit down while I danced provocatively around him (he gets embarrassed easily) with a boa to the song "Nasty Naughty Boy".
15. At what age did you become an adult? I still feel like a kid.  I find it amazing that I don't live at home anymore, that I spend and earn my own money, etc.  I don't feel old enough or responsible enough to do half the things I do! LOL

Random Questions

1. Is a picture worth a thousand words? Elaborate.  I don't believe it is.  Sometimes we may think we see something, but that doesn't indicate what is going on.  Not to mention that two people may look at the same picture and see entirely different things.
    
2. Where’s Waldo? He's in a children's book waiting to be found.
3. The best part of waking up is? *Sings*  "Is Folders in Your Cup!!!" 
4. How now brown cow? Yes, but does the brown cow make brown milk?  I want some chocolate milk.
5. Whasssssuuuupppppp?  I feel like these questions all of a sudden became a Budweiser commercial.

Blogtiquette

I noticed yesterday while browsing that it seems that most blogs are tutorials (and look quite professional and intricate in their designs).  It made me feel like perhaps I'm not using the correct venue to 'blog'.  It made my blog feel childish and inadequate in several ways.

Oddly enough I looked up the definition of blog in hopes that it would give me some clarity about what they actually are, but here's what it said:  

A Web site on which an individual or group of users record opinions, information, etc. on a regular basis

Hmmm, I can't say that the definition helped answer any of my questions much.

If anyone reading could answer these questions I would be very grateful:
Are blogs meant for strictly tutorials, business propoganda, and EXTREMEly intricate journaling?
Are there other people who use Blogger in the same context I do?
Where can I go to browse other people who blog like I do on Blogger? 

I guess I don't fully understand how to search Blogger for other blogs like mine.  In my college days I blogged on a another site, and I enjoyed reading and commenting on other people's blogs.  I'd like to have that same interaction here, but I don't know how. 

UnClassified

I'm human.  I like to classify people into groups.  I like to organize people into neat little packages of who I think they are.  You might say I 'judge' people.  Okay, you can definitely say I judge people.  I find myself hypocritical in that way, that I like to judge people and place them into categories, but I myself do not like to be judged or labeled into any certain category.

You have your:
brains, geeks, intellects
givers, takers
drama queens/kings
goths, atheists, doom-n-gloom, emo
snotty, rich, stuck up, upper class
poor, hobo, trailer trash
sluts, whores, tramps
jocks, airheads

I could go on and on with labels and groups and classifications.  However, I find it funny that I like to avoid any type of 'classification' for myself.  I like to do things that are unexpected of me to buck any type of label that might be attached... and that in turn labels and classifys me in itself.

I'm always curious as to what other people think of me.  However, most people will never give you their honest opinion on how they view you.  People find it much easier to lie and tell you what you want to hear.  While I admit that the 'truth hurts', I'd much rather know the truth about myself rather than be living in a fantasy world of what I want to hear.  I think it's helpful to know what other people think of you, so you know how you are coming off and appearing to the world.  It may not be how you think you are appearing.  You actions may mean one thing to you, but something entirely different to everyone else.

For example:  I find myself to be a realist.  I believe I tell it 'like it is'.  Whereas, most people who know me, would say that I tend to lean towards the negative side.  I can see how my thoughts, actions, and perceptions would be deemed as negative, but I know that usually I'm just speaking as what I view the truth to be. 

Have you ever thought about how other people view you?  How would you classify yourself verses how other people would classify you?

For Sale: Not my Home Sweet Home

My husband and I have decided to put his house up for sale.  HIS house...not OUR house, as I've never really felt like it was mine to begin with.  He and his ex-wife (who had an affair after 6 months of marriage) bought the house together, so you can imagine why it has never felt like home to me.

I've tried to never rub it in because it isn't his fault after all that I don't feel 'at home' there.  There have been times where I've gotten frustrated over the lack of space, not near where either of us work, etc. and I can tell that it hurts my husband's feelings.  I've avoided too much about it in front of him because I can tell it frustrates him too. 

Not to mention that the housing market hasn't been the best, so we've tried to hold off selling it as long as we could in order to gain equity.  However, after having watched the market go nowhere fast, we decided we might as well sell it.

Not to mention that we can't start a family until we get into a bigger house.  Plus, I'd like to finally have a home that is OURS.  A place we can pick together, decorate together, and call our own.

I've started boards on Pinterest for home decorating, design, and items.  It helps me get a flow of how I'd like to decorate the new "future" house.  Thankfully the hubs has liked all my ideas so far :-) 

So, Cheers putting the house on the market!  Cross your fingers that it sells quickly and well!