Battered and Bruised

Pride - a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance,merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

I think 'Pride' is usually deemed a negative term, as though someone is stuck up.  I don't feel that is the case.

My 'Pride' is hurt and demeaned by the subservient career I am currently trapped in.  It hurts my dignity to know that I am capable of SO much more, but I am not given the opportunity to move up even when I have proven myself capable.  I feel I have the intelligence and ability to make a difference, and it pains my ego to be so held down.  I am intelligence, capable, hardworking, efficient, detail oriented, determined, calculating, precise, and articulate!  I am MORE!  I've started to search for another job with an intense and angered drive. I am not good at masking my emotions, and I know that my irritation is evident at work.  I just am hoping that I am able to contain myself.  I'm very outspoken and don't like to swallow my pride, so the whole situation has been difficult.

For Example:  Today I sorted files (which should have been done long before I started at this job) from 2009 and 2010.  I sorted them and scanned them . . . for 7 hours.

The whole time I was doing that task I was fuming mad.  Ranting and raving in my mind....Cursing inside at my superiors and peers alike.  Screaming at them and myself that I'm so much BETTER than THIS!  Why...Why...Why do I have a college degree?  Why did my parents bother eating away at their retirement to put me through college?  To SORT AND SCAN PAPERS?  FUCK NO!

The irritation and anger mounts within me over the whole thing.  Here I am, in my late 20's, making piss poor wages, at a dead end job, with a college degree.  

My pride has been battered and bruised...and I hope I find a new job to restore that pride before I start taking punches at those who have beat it up in the first place.

Pinterested in Other Things

I always feel guilty when I don't blog often enough.  Back in my younger days I was able to journal or log every day, sometimes several times a day, but alas, I've grown up and I don't have as much time to spare during the day for such things.

All of my free time lately, I must admit, has been spent being 'Pinterested in Other Things'.  I have to say that I've heard people talk about 'Pinterest', but I figured it was another fad (so I chose to ignore it).  However, I kept hearing more and more people saying they had it and were "addicted". 

I decided I needed to gain more information about this 'Pinterest' business before making a final decision.  One friend described it to me as "digital cork boards" where you get to post your ideas.  I thought it sounded stupid.  Who wants a 'digital corkboard'?  Then I thought about it a little more...  Hey, I could gather all my craft ideas in one place, I could organize all my DIY home improvement ideas, home decor, decorating ideas, and well, EVERYTHING. 

As you can imagine it got my creative and detail oriented mind salivating over these imaginary 'digital boards', so I signed up.  I LOVE it. 

I have boards for:
-Beauty Ideas to Try
-Dream Home (color schemes, decorating ideas, etc.)
-Products I love (recommendations for others)
-Bundle of Joy Ideas (future ideas for my children, nursery, etc)
-Define Me  (a board for friends to understand a little more about me)
-Smile Worthy (a board of things that give me a grin)
-Books Worth Reading (book recommendations)
-Made Me Giggle (humor)
-Future Decorations
-For the Home (furniture, decor, window treatments, etc.)
-People I Admire

And I keep adding MORE...

If you are creatively inclined or love organizing your ideas you will love Pinterest.  :-)  If I were you I'd give it a try.

Child Eyes

As we transition from childhood to adulthood a lot of positive changes occur in terms of our thought process and what we are able to comprehend, etc.  However, I think that we lose out on some of the best traits we had from childhood.  One trait that I strive to keep alive is looking at the small wonders in life and marveling over them (I like to think of this as looking at life through my "Child Eyes").  As adults we tend to look at things as a whole, and in the process we lose sight of the small joys and pleasures, which when viewed through child eyes would be held in a different light.

These are the things that make me smile when viewed through my "Child Eyes":
-Watching the Steam curl and ribbon up out of a cup of coffee (Amazing how peaceful it looks)
-Being buried under a pile of warm laundry
-Seeing a random shape in the clouds
-A full or almost full moon when it looks like a glowing ball of cheese!
-The warm feeling of the sun on your skin after the winter is over
-Frothy mashmallow whip on the top of hot chocolate
-Picking out an individual snowflake in the sky and watching it until it lands
-Looking at the designs of frost on a window pane
-Stepping on a particularly crunchy looking leaf and hearing the crunching sound it makes
-Watching the rise and fall of my dog's breathing as she sleeps

I'm sure I'll think of more to add to later posts, but do you have any things that make you smile when viewed through your own "Child Eyes"?

PantyLESS

I found out today at work that I am apparently in the minority when it comes to undergarments for my age group.  Apparently, correct me if I'm wrong, my age group (late 20's) does NOT normally wear underwear.

I have to say that this was a tad confusing to me, as I wear underwear all the time - granted they are thongs and such, but it is underwear nontheless.  I knew that some girls went commando, but I figured it was women who were:
A.  Trying to Surprise their Man
B.  Slutty Girls
C.  Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, etc.

I was shocked to find out that girls I hang out with, who I deem to be normal, don't wear underwear!

I wonder if it is a generational thing...kind of like shaving down there.  Women over 30 tend to not shave down there because it "makes them look/feel like a little girl", or so I've been told.  However, everyone my age range shaves.  I suppose you can see the generational gap on that trend in porn.  Forgive me for being blunt, but Old Porn = Full Bush and Today's Porn = Shaved Clean.  *Please keep in mind that I do not "watch" porn, but I can't say I haven't seen it.

Maybe thats Why Mine Are Always in a Bunch

In an effort to gain more clarity (and amusement), Ladies, if you could, give a general age range of yourself or women you know and their panty or pantyLESS preference.

Resolutions Interrupted

I had it in my mind that I was going to come online and type out a list of goals/hopes for 2012, however, some news I received via Facebook from my mom changed my mind.

A close family friend lost her battle to cancer...they diagnosed her less than a year ago - by the time they found it it had fused into her kidneys and spread to her bones.  I grew up with her three children.  It saddens me how young she was, and how treatment wasn't an option because the cancer was found so late.  It was a cancer that had been growing for 10-15 years without any symptoms.  She won't get to see her two grandchildren grow up (and they are too young to remember her), she won't see her just married son have children, and she won't see her youngest even get married.  Her husband must be lost, as they were always inseparable.

My mom has been going to their home lately and helping take care of her...her tumor had grown so big that she began to look pregnant.

In June, she attended my wedding.  She wasn't able to go to the reception, but I didn't mind.  She apologized to me at her son's wedding 3 weeks later, but I told her that it wasn't important and that I was glad to see her.  Within the time of my wedding and her son's wedding she had become much more skeletal...as she was losing weight rapidly.  You could tell that she was serious and determined as she walked down the aisle at her son's wedding - it was taking a great deal of strength.  She wanted to do the 'Mother/Son' dance, but she was too sick by the time of the reception that she had to go lay down in her hotel room.  Can you imagine being so weak/sick that you can't muster the strength to dance one song with your child at their wedding?  You could tell that her husband was struggling to keep the mood light and happy for his son's wedding while his own heart was breaking inside and aching to be with his ailing wife.

My hometown is small, and the loss of this woman will be felt greatly.  The magnitude of her death is somewhat overwhelming to me.  I've known since my wedding that she would lose her battle, but it doesn't make it any easier when it comes.  I ache for her, I ache for her children and my friends, I ache for her husband.  I grew up with these people!  I went to school with them, my dad dropped us off at school together, We played tag, dodge ball, and Monopoly in the summers, I swam with them almost every weekend in the summer, I played hide and seek on their property with their kids, we roasted marshmallows and had cookouts, we spent New Years Eve's  and Fourth of July's together playing games and shooting fireworks...  Such a beautiful lady - a gorgeous lady - inside and out - withered away to nothing.  It seems cliche to say that "It's not fair", but honestly it isn't.

Why does it seem like such lovely, sweet, kind, caring people always end up meeting such tragic ends?  Does God need them back?  What purpose does it serve?  What good could possibly come of it?  Why would God want to harm her husband, children, and friends by taking her away in such a painful and quick fashion?

One day, not in this life of course, I hope to understand the reasons why.