If You Liked 'A Child Called IT'...

If you enjoyed the book, "A Child Called IT" by Dave Pelzer then you would also enjoy a book I recently finished called, "A Stolen Life" by Jaycee Lee Duggard.  She was kidnapped at the age of 11, imprisoned for 18 years, raped, and forced to have two children by her captor.  It is written by the girl who it actually happened to, and offers insight into why she didn't try to escape.

I thought it was an interesting read, even though I wanted to shake the kidnapped girl at times and tell her to use some common sense.  I suppose we never know what we would do in a given situation if we haven't experienced it ourselves, but I'd like to think that I'm far too stubborn and possessive of my own freedom to allow someone to have control not only over my body but my mind and my future as well.

Stupid Intelligent Question of the Day

Okay, so I'm an inquisitive person...sometimes a little too much.  I ask a lot of pointless questions, and in turn I learn a lot of random facts, which applies nowhere else in life except when I watch Jeopardy (and kick ass by the way).

Here is my Stupid Intelligent Question of the Day:

If a human is submerged in fresh water (except for their head) and they are not allowed to drink any water, will their body absorb enough water through their skin to not die from dehydration?  (I randomly thought this while in the shower...lol)

I don't know the science of the body enough to know the answer to this question.  Will I ever encounter this problem...no, but I'm just damn curious about the answer!

If anyone has some thoughts of what the answer might be, feel free to share your thoughts.  I'm always up for some mind-bloggling-thought-provoking ideas.

Hurry Christmas, Hurry Fast

In the words of Alvin and the Chipmunks, "Hurry Christmas, Hurry Fast... We can hardly stand the wait, Please Christmas don't be late!"

I'm one of the goofy individuals who adore everything about Christmas.  The lights, the tree, the ornaments, the cookies, the food, the songs, the wrapping, the gift giving, the gift giving, etc - you get the point.

However, this year I just want it to hurry up and be over already.

The rush of orders at my workplace is amazingly overwhelming - which added to the business practices (or lack thereof) cause more work and much more stress.  I've been working 6 days a week at an average of 10 hours per day.  Needless to say, I'm tired and ready for it to be over.  Christmas doesn't hold any joy because I haven't had any time to really enjoy December.

No time for leisurely listening to Christmas music on the weekends.  Fighting for time to decorate the tree and house.  No time to think about what gifts to give others, so I've only just started my Christmas shopping this week.  I haven't even had time to bake... and I love baking, especially Christmas cookies.  *sigh*

My job has consumed me.  My husband,  God love him, has been helping out the best he can.  He's been cooking more meals, helping with more laundry, cleaning the house by  himself, and even opening my garage door for me in the evening.  I'd be so overwhelmed without him.  I keep making an extra point to give him more hugs, kisses, and just generally tell him how much I appreciate the help.

"We've been good, but we can't last.  Hurry Christmas, Hurry Fast"

You Have a Low Inventory...of Brain Cells

The decisions made at my workplace by individuals above me seriously make me doubt their intelligence level and ethics.  These decisions, of course, affect my job process, and usually in a negative way.  Allow me to explain...

We have an insufficient way of managaging the inventory of our products.  Okay, lets be honest, the person "in charge" of managing our inventory and purchasing more doesn't pay attention to it at all.  Therefore, WE notify HER when we are out of something.  THEN we wait THREE MONTHS for it to come back in-stock.  Common sense would tell you to pay track of which teams and products sell and how many sell, therefore, you could order them BEFORE they go out of stock.  It must be a hard concept to understand because my workplace hasn't figured it out yet.  (I've started to keep track of lost sales due to this, and it amuses me the higher it gets... so far we've lost close to $15 K in orders due to out-of-stock product in 9 days)  Plus, I know that number is much higher, since I only see a small fraction of sales.

As you can imagine, this creates some havoc around Christmas time.  Therefore, our genius of a President decided to make the executive decision today to change customer's orders without notifying them or the vendor.  

For Example:  You ordered your a game with your NFL team on it with a football background.  Our company has run out of the football background games, so we are sending you a game with a blank background.  

Hmmmm, I wonder if the customers will notice?  Hmmmmm, I wonder if they'll be upset?  

Guess who gets to deal with the angry customers when the backlash comes?  Me.  I get the fun job of trying to explain why my company decided to make that shady decision and pretend like I think it's fine.  I get to try to talk down the angry customers and respond to their angry emails.  Does the lady who doesn't manage inventory have to talk to them?  No.  Does the president who made the decision to send them something different have to talk to them?  No.  

Who has to deal with the backlash?  Me.  My fellow coworkers and I are beyond pissed.  It is to the point where we are AMAZED by their business practices at this point.

Sometimes I just wish the vendors and customers would take their business elsewhere, so it would force my company to become more morally sound in their practices.  It's hard to swallow your opinions of what is right and wrong and just "do your job".  I'm given my job orders and I should complete them, but it is becoming harder and harder to bite my tongue.  It's hard to follow orders that you don't believe are right.  It's hard to suffer the consequences of  bad decisions when you know you could do a better job than those who are above you.

*le sigh*

Free Show

There is nothing I hate more than answering people who come into our office.  Usually they are men, and usually they look at me like I'm some kind of free show that they are entitled to watch and comment upon.  It boils my blood.  I have a brain, and yes, I do see you openly and awkwardly gawking at me.  It might be considered flattering if you were somewhat descrete about it, however, when your eyes roam my body like you have a shot at getting with me then I am absolutely NOT flattered. 
First of all, this is a place of business and you are here for that purpose so be professional.
Secondly, females are not ignorant of how blatently you stare at them, and it is not flattering.
Lastly, I am married, so have some respect.

I am not dressed provocatively.  I'm not flaunting myself.  Heck, I'm not even flirting with them.  I'm just asking who they are and who they are here to see.  It doesn't warrent looking at me like I'm some kind of eye candy soely put on this earth for your pleasure.

ARGH!  Sorry, it's just been an annoying morning....

Don We Now Our Gay Apparel

A tradition that I grew up with was that 'St. Nick/St. Nicholas/Santa Claus' would come on December 6th (Saint Nicholas Day) to fill your stockings with goodies.  In my family that is when we would set out milk and cookies and our letters to Santa (usually telling him about how good we had been, what we had done wrong, and what we would like for Christmas).
I've continued this tradition in my own home, granted I don't have children yet, but my husband sure seemed to enjoy it.  My stocking remained empty, alas he didn't grow up with this tradition, but I bet he'll remember it next year.  I don't mind though, since it was fun to fill up his stocking while he was sleeping.

Husband's Stocking:
-Reeses in a Candy Cane shaped container
-Pepperidge Farm Geneva Cookies
-Christmas Hershey's Kisses throughout the stocking
-A new Burt's Bees chapstick (since he always tries to steal mine)
-A Silver Coffee mug (matches the one he steals of mine, except mine is PINK!)
-Two new pairs of cute socks (don't tell him that they are 'cute' though)
-A pair of fleece plaid Pj pants

Our dog, Lula, a wheaten terrier doesn't have a stocking yet.  I imagine I'll buy one for her after Christmas.  However, she did get a gift too, although I don't think she enjoys it too much.  I bought her a cone and an inflatable cone :-)  Talk about 'gay' apparel...

Our Lula

The poor thing is a hypoallergenic dog, but SHE is allergic to everything.  We have her on special expensive food because she is allergic to 14 top food ingredients found in dog foods (beef, pork, corn, etc.), which we found out through a $300 vet visit to test her blood.  Needless to say, we've spent a ton of money so far to make our "Itchy Bitchy", as we affectionately call her, not so itchy.

NOW, she's biting, licking, chewing at herself again.  This time we think it's due to her being bored when we aren't home.  Therefore, she has to Don her Gay Apparel until her bald spots grow back in....really...she has BALD SPOTS from this.  However, she is giving me looks to kill right now as though I am making her wear this thing to embarrass her.  Her prideful 'terrier attitude' is in full force at the moment.  Lord knows she's plotting ways inside that rotten head of hers of how to get me back...

Giving me a 'Look'

Jeesh... wait till I have actual children... I'll think having a dog was a breeze.

Memo for the Office President

Dear President of Our Company,

My work ethic is superior to not only the sales team that you head up, but I have a better work ethic than you.  Therefore, I don't appreciate you trying to school me on work ethic by saying, "_____ I really think we need to focus our energy on putting in orders rather than decorating the office."  Before such a remark leaves your superior and condescending lips you might have wanted to check that I am on MY LUNCH decorating YOUR company office, so you avoid looking like a total and complete ass in front of everyone.

Thanks,

Your Employee

Not Feeling Very Thankful...

Something about spending holidays with my husband's family doesn't feel very...holidayish to me.

The foods aren't my "holiday" favorite foods.  When did Kilbasa and Sweet/Sour Cabbage become a part of Thanksgiving?  Where are the homemade dinner rolls?  Desserts are bought rather than baked?

They brag that their holiday food spread is monstrous, but it looks scarce to me (I come from a large family, so we always have a LOT of dishes.)

The traditions aren't my "holiday" traditions.  Is sitting on the couch not talking and staring at the TV normal?  Why are we not playing board games and card games?  Why isn't anyone laughing and being silly?  Why aren't the kids running around playing with each other?

I don't understand the stories or the connections.  Heck, I can't even remember all their names.  Honestly, it all seems...well...BORING.

Nothing about the process feels like a holiday to me.  It feels forced.  It feels put-on.  I feel like an outcast...an outsider trying to be a part of something that I'm so obviously NOT a part of.  I sit around...flipping through magazines, newspapers, and trying to make conversation with people who are obviously more shy and quiet than my own family gatherings.  I'd much rather go hide in an empty room in the house by myself till the 'holiday' is over, and we can go home.  I understand that this is a 'normal' holiday gathering for my husband, but to me it doesn't feel normal at all.

Will I always feel this way?  Will I ever feel like this is a part of my holiday too?  It's hard for me to imagine that my own future children's idea and experience of a holiday will be nothing like my own.  My own children's holiday foods and traditions will be foreign to me...or will I be acclimated to it all by then?

I don't know.  Maybe I'm just being selfish.  I just don't feel like my husband feels that out of place when we spend holidays with my family, but maybe he just doesn't tell me that its odd to him.  I feel like he fits in better with my family at our events.  Whereas I just feel bored and uncomfortable at his events, and I am by no means a shy person.  I can start a conversation with anyone, but the whole process at his events just feel forced.  Spending time with them feels exhausting, and I have begun to dread it.  I have to mentally build myself up to spend the day there.  I just wish I didn't feel that way, but I'm not sure how not to.

Husband PMS

Whenever my husband is quiet and brooding, I'm not sure how to act.  If I ask him if something is wrong he will say, "No".  However, if I prod him we'll get into a whole deep discussion/argument about how he thinks I take advantage of him or treat him with enough respect.  If I don't ask and prod then he thinks I don't care enough to worry about how he feels.

The whole process is exhausting.  I care about how he feels, but at the same time I don't feel like getting into a energy draining discussion that we've had several times over in our short time of being married (less than six months).  No matter how many times we have the discussion I will NEVER agree with him on my "taking advantage of him", "not respecting him", or "not contributing as much as he does".  Those accusations INFURIATE me, so instead of talking about them he'll give me the silent treatment from the moment he comes home until the time he goes to bed unless I prod it out of him.  

First of all, I don't know he can go to bed in a good mood then wake up being frustrated at me.  What in the world did I do in the 8 hours I was sleeping at night?

Secondly, if he has an issue with me or something I did he needs to talk about it instead of giving me the silent treatment.

Thirdly, I shouldn't have to prod my husband into telling me what is wrong only to have him attack me with invalid accusations, which I think are rooted in his insecurity of his previous wife having cheated on him after 6 months of marriage (which he did nothing to deserve by the way).  

While I understand how such an experience can leave a person leary and wondering if someone is going to take advantage of them again, I don't understand pushing away someone who loves you by attacking the with accusations that were only true with their previous relationship.

I'm exhausted by the process, especially when it bears it's ugly head at the end of a long work day.  I want to relax at the end of the day and come home to enjoy time spent with my husband.  Knowing that I'll get to come home to silent treatment or an unnecessary argument is enough to not make me WANT to come home at the end of the work day.

I cleaned the floors in the house... no comment from him.
I trimmed up the plant he's been wanting trimmed... no comment from him.

I offered to make spagehetti - he asked that it be baked spagehetti - I did it...No comment from him.
He asked for a drink refill - I did it...no comment from him.

I offered to pack his lunch for work tomorrow - he said 'no'...I packed it anyway because I know he'll want it later.

I took his dishes to the kitchen, cleaned the kitchen/dishes...no comment from him.

I've let the dog in/out all evening...no comment from him.

Really?  Am I THAT terrible that his silent treatment won't even allow a "Thank You" to escape his lips?

The only conversation I've had with him this evening was when he came back from the bathroom and said, "You shouldn't throw toilet paper on the floor."

I said, "I didn't throw toilet paper on the floor."

He said, "Yes you did."

I said, "You REALLY think I would throw toilet paper on the floor?  When do I EVER do that?"

He finally shut up about it.

I'll just chalk it up to 'Male PMS' and leave him to his own devices for the evening.  I'll read my book and let him stew about whatever is irking him.  Then I'll go to bed and start a new day tomorrow.  Hopefully whatever funk he is in will be out of his system by tomorrow, otherwise, God help him if I blow my lid.  ;-)

High Volume, High Velocity...

Diarrhea. 
THAT scared me.  Needless to say, last week was...um...eventful.  I had to have a colonoscopy, and since I'm nowhere near the age of 50 I was reading up on it.  I came across an article that said, "You're going to be experiencing high-volume, high velocity diarrhea".  I laughed so hard that I cried.  I mean, how can you NOT laugh at that?  Anyway, I was super dehydrated the day of the test because the stuff they make you drink upset my stomach so much that I vomitted - while I was sitting on the toilet - uncontrollably onto the bathroom rug in front of me.  Thankfully my husband was a dear and cleaned it up for me - and didn't make fun of me about it either.  I was mortified, but thankfully it was only a mixture of Propel flavored water and Miralax.  My husband gleefly commented that my vomit smelled like berry juice.  G-R-O-S-S.

I guess my husband felt bad about my medical ordeal, so he bought a massage package for me at a local spa.  It has always been on my "To-Do" list - a Hot Stone Massage.  It was magically delicious.  The room was dimly lt and calming music was playing.  First they massage your entire body once over, and then they massage it next while using warm stones.  Once the stones they are using lose heat, they replace them with new warm ones.  The stones are smooth, so they don't hurt and the weight and heat of them feel great.  It was SO relaxing.  My husband did a great job in that regard!  Now I can check it off my "list".  Although, I wouldn't mind doing it again in the future.  I definitely have to recommend it if you haven't tried it before.  A little expensive, but definitely worth at least a one time splurge for the experience.

I was the Bride, BUT It was my Mom's Day

Within my family, Fall is a big time... we celebrate 3/4 of our birthdays within my immediate family, and the normal holidays. 
Three days ago was my Mom's birthday, which I did not acknowledge for the first time in my life.  She and I haven't been on pleasant speaking terms since my wedding in June of this year.  I had conceeded to all of her demands for my wedding, in order to please her and impress her group of friends/family.  However, there was one instance where I did NOT coneed to what SHE wanted to do.  I wanted a seating arrangement, and she did not.  I wanted to make the seating un-awkward and un-chaotic for our 300 guests.  I wanted to assign them tables, and they could sit where they pleased.  My mother, however, hated this idea.  She felt it would offend her friends to tell them what table to sit at.  Therefore, I asked my Mom to make a list of tables for her side of the guests, which she said she did.  However, I found out on the day before my wedding that she had not made a seating chart.  Therefore, I stayed up till 2 AM the night before my wedding to make a seating arrangement.  THEN she sabatoged it again by not putting the seating arrangement cards out, so she could still have her way.  Needless to say, the guests finding seats was chaos.  My husbands family was offended, my husband was offended, and I was offended.  My Mom however, didn't care.  SHE had it the way SHE wanted it.  I cried the day before my wedding, she made decorating the hall with friends/family awkward when it shoudl have been fun (she was very angry and telling everyone how ungrateful I was), and she acted like the whole wedding was about showing off herself. 

The arguement isn't over the seating arrangement.  It is over the fact that she deliberately did what she wanted behind my back and against my wishes.  It was my wedding, and it should have been the way I wanted it.  I let her have her way on so many of my wedding plans, but that was the one thing where I put my foot down.  She made it very evident that she would much rather offend my husband's family, her future-son-in-law, and her daughter instead of her friends.  It was all about HER.  When it should have been all about my husband and I.  She refuses to think she did anything wrong, she argues with me about it still, and she refuses to apologize.  I am, for the first time in my life, refusing to let it go.  Forgiving is hard enough, but it is even harder when someone won't apologize for being wrong.

I have no desire to send her a card for her birthday, so I didn't.  I didn't call, and I didn't email.  I have no desire to visit, and I don't even look forward to the holidays.  I don't want to go if I have to be around her.

It's put a strain on everyone.  My husband loves hanging out with my Dad, and I miss my Dad too.  However, I won't go visit because I know I'll have to deal with her and her snottyness about the wedding issue.  All of her comments to me since the wedding have been jabbing and mean, and I just ignore it.  It isn't worth arguing with her about it, so I ignore her completely.

My Dad's birthday is next week.  I'll definitely send him a card, which will make it more apparent that I avoided my Mom's birthday completely.  My birthday is a few weeks after that, and I imagine she will ignore me that day.  Part of me is sad about it, but part of me wouldn't want her to ruin my birthday too by her rude behavior and comments.

This is all the things that aren't making Fall so fun, and I'm not looking forward to it.

Changing and Evolving

Something about the changing of summer into fall always seems to spark a creative flair in me.  Perhaps its because I was born in Autumn, or maybe I feel like something in me changes as the season changes.  I always seem to find it refreshing to start to feel a chill in the wind, and a faint hint of color beginning to kiss the leaves on the trees.


Fall always seems to bring back good memories...cozy memories.  Crispy, crunchy, colorful leaves underfoot... warm, fuzzy hoodies holding in your heat on a cool night watching a football game... Slipping your cold hands into someone else's warm ones... sipping hot chocolate... sitting in front of a bond fire with friends...  curling up with a new book under a blanket on the couch...


I always get antsy to try my hand at something new or creatively inclined... music, a book, writing, painting, drawing, sewing, creating.  I don't know why fall always seems to do this to me, but it does.  Perhaps that is why I figured I'd start blogging again.  I've been writing off-n-on ever since I was 15, which has been a little over a decade ago.  Usually something makes me take a hiatus, for a few months or so, and then I'm back at it again.  I feel like this is my first "adult" blog, or "adult-like" blog.  I can't even begin to imagine what it will be full of, but I imagine it will be a little bit like the autumn... changing and evolving.  We'll see!