The Weight of Love

Recently, I've been looking in the mirror and not being really thrilled with what I see (Apparently this is common with all women at some point or another).  I grew up as an 'ugly duckling' you could say (huge thick glasses that took up my whole face, braces, long gawky limbs), so when I finally became that 'swan' I was always pleased with what I saw...until recently.

Granted, I've always found 'something' or another I would 'like' to change, but I have always been relatively pleased with my appearance.

Lately I've been finding a hard time looking in the mirror and finding any of my former 'qualities' that really 'shine'.  My tiny waist (which always seemed to show my lower ribs no matter how much weight I put on) has finally expanded once and for all - gone are the ribs and HELLO muffin top/back flab.  My hips/butt/thighs have expanded to the point that I outgrew my "fat" jeans...and the "fat" jeans after that...and the "fat" jeans after that.  My Size 6 (on a Good Day) has ballooned into a Size 12/14.  My face has grown fuller, so my defined cheekbones and eyes aren't as prominent as they once were.  I'm super pale (I jokingly call myself albino, but I'm probably not far off) since I no longer tan, but it makes me look sick and ghostly (especially in photos with other people).  My bra's went from full-coverage to literally 'just-nipple-coverage' (don't worry, I bought new bras- there was no way now 36DD boobs were going to fit into 36B bras).  *SIGH*

I don't feel confident, and I most certainly don't feel sexy.  I realize this has been a gradual change (mostly starting when I began dating my now-husband 3 years ago), but it doesn't make me any more 'adjusted' to it.

I'm a woman, lets be honest - we secretly enjoy when guys look at us.  I've noticed that while it happened a LOT before, it almost never happens now.  Another blow to the self-esteem radar. . .   It could be the fact that I'm just getting older and people don't "look" at you as much, but it still doesn't pacify me.

This could be a terrible time to decide this (with the holidays and all), but I am going to make it a purpose to lose that extra weight, around 27 lbs to be exact.  I need to get my 'sexy' back, I need to get my 'diva' back dammnit!
Height:  Almost 5'9
Weight:  
     Age 16: (At the Peak of my Physical Activity/Youth) 135 lbs, which I realize isn't possible       considering I was swimming 4-5 hours daily & had the metabolism of a horse - I could literally eat WHATEVER (ah, how I miss the innocence of youth!)
     Age 18-25:  140-145 lbs.  (I consider this to be potentially possible considering I maintained this weight for such a long period)
     Now:  167 lbs  (yucko)


And most importantly, I need to prepare this body to be the Perfect Oven for a Future Baby (which I can't imagine is far off).

Any encouragement, tips, or advice couldn't hurt.